Crying & Hurting For My Daughter

So, I log on to FB and the first thing I see are these two hands joined together with wedding rings. I think “aww who do I know that was supposed to be getting married?” But the name I read is all to familiar.

The tears fall.

It’s my daughter’s father. He got married today. Yes, I’m in shock!! Reason one is because he got married and said nothing. No, I don’t want him. Reason two, he didn’t invite his daughter to join him one of the happiest days of his life.

I browse through the pics as the tear keep falling. I see one of his daughter’s all dressed to celebrate in the ceremonies. In one pic, is has his newborn…my daughter was no where. Why?…she wasn’t invited.

He already doesn’t spend time with her, and then he doesn’t even include her in his life. Where does that happen??

I’m so hurt I make a post..stating that I just found out something and I’m crying. A few people asked whats wrong and to some I explain. Only one person I told gets why I’m crying, some don’t but try and offer support.

I’m crying for her, he walks around as if she’s not here. He lives in the same town…but all I’m told is to give him time. He doesn’t include her…. its as if she isn’t even here to him?

As, Im typing this I’m crying…for her, for the hurt she will feel when she see things for what they are. She already asks me questions to which I can not give her answers too. She remember her brief times with him…but when will his realize his actions shows that he could care less about her and her feelings???

I cry and I’m hurting for her and her future. Hoping I can be all she needs me to be. Hope that despite his actions she won’t feel any less loved. I know from experience how it feels and I want to shield her from the hurt and those feeling of rejection.

What do I do??

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25 thoughts on “Crying & Hurting For My Daughter

  1. Sounds like he’s a pretty trifling dude to not include his child in one of the happiest days of his life. I don’t know the back story, but that behavior is inexcusable. Prayerfully, the Lord will bless you with a man, who will fill the void he has left by selfishly putting himself first and not the child you share, who needs him most. Stories like yours and others makes me want to not have children. I jus’ don’t know what I’d do having to watch or attempt to shield my child from the pain.

  2. I’m reading your thoughts and I’m aching for you, while you ache for her. You’re a great mother babes and your lil mini knows that!

    She’s young and young kids ask questions, but they are resilient. She might be hurt, she might not be when she’s older. Just make sure she feels your love at all times and make sure she wants for nothing!

    Did you ask him why he doesn’t include her in his life? I wouldn’t ignore it. I’d ask him and then if he’s a douchebag, then erase him from your lives.

  3. WOW! I can totally understand how you feel! You have every right to feel this way. How could he not include her in that special moment?! I wish men realized things like this only hurt the kids. What kind of woman is his wife?!! No REAL woman would allow that! If you’re marrying him, that means you marry the kids too! And if he isn’t doing it right, then she as a woman, now his wife should step up. I’m so sorry you had to find out the way you did. Give him time….please! Isn’t your daughter 8 or 9? He needs to step up and be a man about his shit….period! The only thing you can do is to continue to be the best mother/father you can be. She’s going to yearn for his love and affection…I went through the same thing. just be honest with her (if she asks), she is getting old enough to know the truth. When she realizes it, she will see him for what he is and appreciate her great mother that much more.

    Keep your head up!

  4. I felt sorry for what happen. Your daughter is very lucky to have a mother like you and that’s the most important thing you should remember ” You have each other”. She’s still young but she will understand what happen when the right time comes.

  5. Hey Girl
    I’m late I know…I passed out on the couch while watching the movie Hair Show!! And now I wake up MAD as hell @ this muthafucker HERE!

    This is what I would do…of course you can do what you want with what I’m saying…but I need to VENT, cause what upsets the blog fam upsets ME!!

    1) Delete that fucker OFF your FACEBOOK- he is not your friend.
    2) He must know that his goddamn wedding pictures will be showing up on your MINIFEED 4 the 1 millionth time- WHAT A SLOW DEAF DUMB AND BLIND COWARD…your genes must be a lot stronger!!
    3) Cut him off: I know ppl are gonna say “children need their parents”..keyword- parent. He is not fit to be a parent. There are men out there who bend over backwards to FEED/CLOTHE children who are not even theirs…he has no excuse for being a fucking bitch ass.

    I remember my mom kicking my dad out one day when he magically decided to stay with us for a week. I was scared, mad had no clue what went down. But I look back and that was one of the smartest moves that woman made.
    4) If you dont want to cut him off, make sure you make your position known. Tell him that he needs to do more than provide a % of his paycheck, that if there are major changes going down that will effect his daughter you must be informed of them and facebook doesnt count (because by then hopefully he will be deleted). If he can not do what you need him to do to make your baby girl feel included than he will not be seeing her (i dont know the court details so this may not be possible, but anything is possible). Also ask that he break the news of the wedding to your daughter NOT YOU, check his manhood 4 real.

    SEEEEE now i know exactly why mothers (like mine)cut their BD’s off, because of inconsiderate bullshit like this.
    You dont need this. One day his 2nd family & your baby will see him for what he really is.
    I’m sorry you had to find out the way you did.
    Please hit me up if you need to vent & plot his murder. I’ll come down to Trenton. Thanks.

    • I’ma beat u up GI…you gonna leave a trail on WP?? LOL. Thanks for making me laugh.

      He isn’t a friend on FB..he’s a pending friend and apparently when he post anything it shows up on my feeds…

      I don’t want to cut him, becuz knowing him that will be excuse. I don’t even want to give him tha satisfaction.

      Thank you for your words here and on FB..Love you guys you were their when a lot of people couldn’t understand

  6. Wow….just wow. It just amazes me how people can neglect their own flesh and blood. A piece of him is in this world and he acts like she’s not even here. I hurt for you just thinking about the hurt you must be feeling for your baby girl. She’s innocent in all of this and deserves way better than him, but she has that in you. She’s young now and it may hurt, but she knows who is always there for her holding her down from sun up to sun down. She sees your strength and even though she doesn’t know how to verbalize it, she appreciates all you do. As she gets older she will see him for who he is and come to her own conclusions. You just continue to be a strong woman and mother to her and she will be even better than you could have imagined.

    As for his loser ass. We all have our day of judgment in life and he will definitely reap what he sows….karma is more than a bitch….she’s a motherfucker.

  7. (1)irst shout out all of the single women holding shyt down!!!!!!!!!!! I have several female friends in very similar situations & I am always amazed at the strength, determination & will that you all possess. Dealing with everything from $15 dollars a month in child support, to 3,4 & 5 other baby mamas, to not spending time with their kids.

    T(!)his really angers me. I’m with Ms.Nikks in that you shouldn’t let it go & when you are in a good place ask him why? Please note that there is nothing he could say or do that will make up for it. I just want you to kill him the quiet storm voice … makes his azz feel some heat, he won’t know what the eff’ to do! As I was reading I had the same thought as MzSporadic what kind of woman would not wonder why he didn’t invite or make his daughter (ALL) of his children a part of this day? Even if he made up some bullshyt excuse I would have to imagine she would offer a solution to make sure everyone is included. I’ont wanna make this about her … I’m just saying.

    Still shaking my head at how you found out, that he wasn’t even man enuff to tell you, to at least call & tell your daughter, hell he could have sent an eff’n letter. I know it is hard for you & your daughter. She is so young & I know she has questions. Continue to do build that solid foundation, you’ve already giving her the base that she needs to grow 50 stories high to rise above this clown.

    We’ve all shared stories about “sperm donors” “deadbeat dads” T(!)his shyt is so real!!! Damn! We(men) need to break the cycle & step up!

  8. Hi ladybug! Glad I popped in today. First I want to encourage you to smile. I realize that’s difficult now, but smile anyway. You got the best revelation ever! You now see just what kind a person is now (regardless who he was when you met).

    His behavior is the sign of an incredibly selfish, and self-centered person. Do you have friends like that? No. Do you have co-workers like that that you choose to deal with? No, of course not. So I’m sure you don’t won’t anyone like that in your life or your daughters. Just something to think about, you know? ;)

    I was reading a few of the other heartfelt (like really cuttin’ for a sista type) replies and it warms my heart. You see, you are not alone (I’m pretty sure that’s going through your head right now too).

    And please don’t cry– don’t allow him to steal your “joy”. Sounds as though he’s played his role in your life for now. Be happy that you know that now. He’s only the sperm donor of your happy, honor roll making, little girl. He’s made it painfully clear that he chose to be nothing but a sperm donor.

    One last thing, I feel everyone who’s advised to ask him why he’s being such a dick with puss, because been there done that. And yes, that MAY make him feel like a pile of warm shit BUT–

    We can never change the past. “Only a fool stumbles over what is behind him”… that’s just a personal motto I’ve lived by since the concept was introduced to me. I’ve found no need to go backwards to anything that was not worthy of me. He couldn’t be more clear about just how UNWORTHY he is of any more of your time (or your daughter’s time).

    So smile, lady! I guarantee it will get easier over time.

  9. BIG hugs going out to you! Hey… I posted something early this morning and wasn’t sure why I picked this either. But now I’m thinking this might be something especially for you… ;)

    check out the music for today when you have a lil’ time… :)

  10. That’s sad and I’m really sorry to hear that. No matter what the relationship between the two of you is, he should have wanted his daughter there. That’s cowardly. He will have to answer to his daughter for that one day.

  11. Sunny this is a very troubling situation. For me it’s tough to see ‘men’ who are unwilling to step up and take care of their responsibilities. What’s even worse is that it seems as if he has decided to shut his own daughter out of his life.
    But the person who is most important is your daughter. As difficult and upsetting as this situation may be, I believe that your daughter will be a better and stronger woman because of it. Sure she will experience hurt and pain, but she will gain so much from it that will enable her to be a better person and a better mother if she decides to become one.

    As for you, there is nothing wrong with shedding tears. It’s only natural. No parent likes to see their child rejected, ignored or hurt. But after you wipe those tears away you need to continue being the strong woman and mother that you are. Then you need to shower your daughter with all the love and acceptance that she will ever need. And reassure her that yes her relationship with her father isn’t ideal, but what matters most is that she doesn’t allow that hurt to overwhelm her. Her focus should be on the good…her mother’s love. That is what matters most.

    • Thanks you for your comments. I know she will be a stronger person for it. But as I mom, I try and protect her, but this is something that is totally out of my hands.

      I will continue to be her mother and father. I can show her that no matter what her god dad, god mom and other family members love is enough.

      Thanks again!!

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