Written All Over Your Face

Person 1: Are you okay? You’re real quite today.
Me: I’m going thru a few things, but I learning to let go and let God.
Person 1: Well let me give you a hug.(hug)

I go back to my desk and proceed to start back with my work.

Person 2: Are you ok?
Me: Internal stressing, but I will be okay. You’re the second person to ask me that.
Person 2: Well we’re just to you having energy and being happy. So we were that’s why we ask. Plus, its you look like something is bothering you or your in the zone.
Me: Really, wow I thought I was hiding it. But thanks for caring enough to ask.
Person 2: No problem.

I’m sure we all have been there before. But I hate when I try to hide how I’m feeling and it doesn’t work! At the same time, I’m grateful to have people around me that pay enough attention to know when some thing is bothering me.

I have been in funk because of financial issues. I swear I work hard to barely pay the bills. I know I need a 3rd job (third becuz working and being a mother is 2 separate jobs). But I really don’t have time for one, unless I want to be one of the absentee mothers. Not knowing who my child is because I’m working too much and I no longer have time for them.

The worst part is I was receiving child support, it was a little but the little helped. I went to court yesterday for my daughter’s father because he hasn’t paid since January. I commend him on coming thru once to pay her after school program when I couldn’t but, come on now! I know that having a child, a new house & bills are a given when you choose to become a mother. But a little help here! After leaving court, I made my way to the pawn shop to pawn my laptop. Yes, I was hurt but it needed to be done. I got $50 for it…and guess how much I have now… about $10…yeah every time I turn around something is needed. SMH :(

Yes, so I’m stressed. But at the same time I have this motto. Everything God allows me to go thru makes me stronger…but I can’t help but worry a little. I’m try my hardest not too. I know God has me and the mini. So I’m trying to wipe this worry off my face and bring back the joy!

Pray for me!! I’m a work in progress!

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18 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sweet Nectar
    May 04, 2011 @ 14:50:46

    Let me commend you for all your effort. Stay prayerful for this too shall pass. God will never put more on you than you can bear. Believe me I feel your pain but you are a shining example of how perseverance let this this minor setback set you up for a greater blessing. Let go and let God have His way.

    Reply

  2. RDITR
    May 04, 2011 @ 15:24:10

    Hang in there. I remember when I was struggling in a big way to make ends meet. I had my first child with my ex while we were both in college. We did the best we could and took care of the lil one ourselves. Didn’t send her off to her mom’s house or my folks’ place either.

    I remember being down to my last 25 dollars and it had to last a week. The rent was paid, we had a half a tank of gas and the utilities were paid up. There was a pantry full of formula but there was not a single morsel of anything for me and the ex to eat.

    I remember walking with her to the grocery store and we found a pack of 150 chicken wings for maybe 9 bucks. We ate wings for days. Fried wings, barbecued wings, wing salad, wing soup, wings upon wings.

    My ex refused to eat wings for a good 10 years. I told this story once in front of her and she almost killed me. I tell it to young people all the time. It gets better. And you can be proud of the struggle.

    Hold your head and it will work out.

    Reply

    • sunnydelyte21
      May 04, 2011 @ 15:33:17

      Yes, all the bills are paid…except for one…but a friend is helping there. I know that everything I go thru is for a reason!!

      Thanks for sharing your story…but sharing it helps other know they aren’t alone.

      Thanks for commenting as well!

      Reply

  3. Goddess Intellect
    May 04, 2011 @ 23:05:43

    The way I see it there is nowhere to go but up. I remember seeing my mom have to go ask for money to buy food for us one day and it devastated me because I felt her pain. It is difficult to keep a smile on our face when everything seems to be working against us!
    I’m glad you have the support of your co-workers and friends. If I could I would wire you $$ to cover your bills, but I’m almost in the same boat and all i got is a damn dog. I been there tho, when i was taking care of my little sister back when there was a time where i was lining up in that welfare office. It’s experiences like this that build your character and your daughter’s character.
    The little laptop you had to give up will one day soon turn into an even better model. As for the 3rd job, I commend you on putting time with your mini first. She needs you! Hang in there and please keep us updated so we are not worried sick!!!

    Reply

    • sunnydelyte21
      May 05, 2011 @ 12:42:37

      I will keep you guys up to date. I know things will work out..and It is crushing to not have and put pride aside to asked for something.
      <3 that is sweet!! @ If I could I would wire you $$ to cover your bills

      Reply

  4. akingstruth
    May 05, 2011 @ 00:04:02

    Just stay focused on whats important..luxuries come amd go..i know its not easy but anything worth having wont be…nothing wrong with cutting back until u get everything in order..sacrifices have to be made..use it as a learning experience…it will only make u smarter and stronger..

    Reply

  5. Ms. Nikks
    May 06, 2011 @ 22:48:57

    I’m gonna say a prayer for you tonight. You’re a strong woman and I’m gonna need for you to keep your head up! As Goddess said, there’s nowhere to go but up and I strongly believe that. Please know you are obviously not alone in the struggle to make ends meet, we’re all going through it in some form or fashion. You’ll figure it out with His help and all our prayers!

    Reply

  6. AGFTMW
    May 07, 2011 @ 11:20:29

    Keep your chin up and know that you are being a great example for your child. You are doing whatever it takes to provide for you and your family. We can all relate to struggles with money and the absence of help from those that should. You are a strong woman, I commend you!

    Reply

  7. don
    May 08, 2011 @ 00:38:29

    Sure we all have undergone financial struggles in our lifetime, and could possibly undergo the same if we aren’t careful. I believe the best advice I can give through experiences is to take two steps backwards, survey the scene, proceed and stay focused.

    Wish you well, Sunny.

    Reply

  8. shumpy
    May 10, 2011 @ 09:57:58

    I just decided to browse your blog (not planning to get too chatty since it’s my first time here) but I just had to say, I feel for your struggle and really am proud of you. The struggles and efforts mothers make for their children is commendable and your reward will come. Stay strong sis *fist bump*

    Reply

  9. Diggame
    May 12, 2011 @ 20:03:11

    I have always believed the monkier…”To live is to suffer…to survive is to find meaning within the suffering…”

    Reply

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