Just a Thought: Being Single

I know too many people that are in false relationships and aren’t happy. Why? They got tired of being single so they decided to settle for less than. Or they accepted their situation, which basically means they settled.

Seeing people I know in situations like that make me want to stay single. I mean I look at it like this, why settle or be in a false relationship just to not be single? Is being single that bad? Why be miserable with another person? Do you deserve happiness? I get that all relationships have ups and downs…but it’s clear to everyone around you that you aren’t happy.

I’m enjoying being single, during this time I’m finding myself. I get to love myself and get to understand what love is. I get to learn what it is I desire from my future mate and what I don’t want. I get to date, I mean sure there are some hits and misses, but I learn from each one, so that when Mr. “Just For Me” comes around I will know him when I see him.

What are your thoughts on being single? What are your thoughts on this quote?

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25 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. akingstruth
    Nov 07, 2011 @ 11:01:44

    Personally my faith in monogamy is fading. Too many females believe they think like a man which is a complete turn off and absolutely impossible..Im single but i wont run from a situation if the right woman pops up..I dont base me being single around what i see others going thru.every situation is different..

    Reply

  2. abichica
    Nov 07, 2011 @ 11:56:59

    I’m kinda scared to be single.. iv been in a relationship for 3 years now, my first boyfriend actually, and i just have no idea what i would do if we broke up, i love him so much and i just wouldn’t be able to cope., but you are right, most people do stay in relationships just because they don’t want to be alone.. But its better to be single than in a bad relationship..great post.. :-)

    Reply

  3. expectedvictory
    Nov 07, 2011 @ 14:18:31

    I agree with the quote. People often settle for mediocre an unfulfilling relationship because they have an intense fear of being alone. It is in our singleness that we discover who we are and establish the standards we want in a mate. I spent years being single. I dated here and there but I refused to accept a man in my life that could not give me the support and love that allows me to be secure. I’m in a relationship now, it is new but he has been worth the wait.

    Reply

    • sunnydelyte21
      Nov 08, 2011 @ 11:16:42

      See and that what I want…I want to find myself…be comfortable standing alone…and when I met “HIM” then I will know it and appreciate the waiting process.

      Reply

  4. Mr.TramueL
    Nov 07, 2011 @ 14:23:36

    Of the quote, single people understand relationships [love] too, they weren’t always single. I like it, being single is definitely better than faux playing.

    Of being single, I think we are brainwashed through the media that we will do better as a ‘force when we’re together’ … I submit that ‘We can be a movement by ourselves’ You make me better? Why would it take a relationship to be a better person? I don’t understand it.

    I’m single, not looking but I won’t run from her either.

    Reply

    • sunnydelyte21
      Nov 08, 2011 @ 11:19:47

      Yes I know that’s right! Why can’t we be a movement & a force by ourself. We should make ourselves better…or if we need help making us better…isn’t that why God is there?

      Thanks for commenting!

      Reply

  5. Goddess Intellect
    Nov 09, 2011 @ 10:33:07

    This quote kind of has a “holier than thou” ring to it. Single to me is a stage in life, it doesn’t mean you’re better or worse of. I compare it to adolescence in the sense that, when most of us were teenagers we were trying all kinds of shit falling down scrapping our knees to become adults, to become the people we are today. I like the idea of learning about oneself during this time. Adolescence was for us to figure out what our possible contributions in life could be and now as adults it’s time to make contributions to self and others. I mean for some it takes a little longer because well damn maybe you learn a different way or at a different pace however I think this is a time to celebrate and do things that encourage growth as an individual because the next day step hopefully is do participate in things that help you and that someone grow as a unit.

    Reply

  6. sunnydelyte21
    Nov 09, 2011 @ 13:42:40

    Interesting take on it, I would not have looked at it like that. HMMM…thanks G.I.

    Reply

  7. bala
    Dec 18, 2011 @ 11:21:30

    this quote is thousand percentage true in my life… i left my relationship because the person whom i had chosen was wrong… i tried to change her but nothing worked out …. so i decided to be single rather than being in a wrong relationship…. i learnt that we should be slow and steady while choosing a long time relationship…

    Reply

  8. Coco Rivers
    Jan 13, 2012 @ 09:23:11

    Hi Sunny,

    I haven’t been single in an extremely long time but I agree with you 100%. I, too, know a lot of people that settle rather than be single and that’s counterproductive to happiness. It’s a waste of valuable time. For many people, the time spent with yourself is key to understanding who you are and exploring your wants, with no apologies or compromises. The best mates are those who aren’t just reflections of their mates but whole within themselves and that takes work.

    So often we spend time searching for the the thing we want and ignoring the place we are in. That’s a sure path to unhappiness.

    You sound like you are right on target :)

    Reply

  9. Christian Disciple
    Apr 25, 2012 @ 22:06:07

    (smile) I am going to say some strong things but please it is all in love.

    It is interesting how we try to compensate for loss. Some of us who claim to be single are actually not…but are unfaithful to our spouses. Then some of us who are single and never married are in fornication or have fornicated and never repented continuing in fornication still to this day.

    Some are eunuchs unto God and some are given to marriage. So it is.

    Those who are content to be single and live unto God…bless be the Lord…those who are not because they may burn with passion then be married. Those who are married stay so. So it is. But many want what they ought not have so the single date the married and the married date the married and man goes with child and woman with infant and man with man and woman with woman and man with beast and so henceforth is the corruption. And now we hear foolishness such as safe sex use a condom for unmarried people where they should not even be in such affairs and we hear things such as trying out relationships to learn as healthy whereby this should not have been so…people are not garbage to try and throw away. But things have gotten so skewed and bad that anything goes now. Anything goes………

    Reply

  10. fefe23
    Oct 26, 2013 @ 21:29:17

    I think dating and getting to know each other is dead. Alot of people dont want to be lonely and they are settling. I think this issue starts at home. People should raise their children with the understanding that its okay to be alone and being in a relationship doesnt equal happiness. I rather be miserable by myself, im never settling.

    Reply

  11. BluJewel
    Feb 10, 2014 @ 12:23:38

    I’m late to the party on this, but the topic intrigues me regardless. I was a serial monogamist; going from relationship to relationship without giving myself room to breathe or even really get to know the person on the many levels of real compatibility. It wasn’t until I got tired of the same old outcome that I decided it was overdue for me to take the much needed time out. I was single AND celibate for almost 3 years and I’ll admit the latter wasn’t always easy, but it was more than necessary. I allowed myself to heal and grow emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually in order to cleanse from the previous years of toxic relationships, settling, and/or making excuses for being in unfulfilled relationship or as Kat Williams called them, “Situationships”.

    After the much needed break, I learned so much more about myself and when I stated dating; something that was completely foreign to me, I was able to see the flags and make more informed decisions as to whether or not I should continue seeing that person, where in the past I’d have made excuses and possibly continued on. I was happy for the break and now, I’m in a strong, happy, mutually fulfilling relationship.

    Reply

  12. giftofgab2
    Feb 11, 2014 @ 12:21:45

    Since being single (5yrs) I can’t really image myself with anyone on a permanent basis. It took some time but I really do enjoy my singleness. I like to date and entertain and then return to my life of singleness. The lessons in my many failed relationships have made it hard for me to want to commit to a relationship. I’ve set the bar high and can’t see over it myself. But such is life as I refuse to settle for just any man. Relationships require a lot of work, time and effort even when you think you have the right person. I just like my own space. I like to do what I want, when I want. I like going and doing things at the spare of the moment if I chose to do so. There are moments when I feel somewhat lonesome but those moments are short lived and very few. I have so many arteries that lead to the heart of the person that I am that have often been overlooked in relationships. When I think back to all that it takes to keep a relationship thriving and interesting it is more work than I care to tackle at this point in my life. Since being single I’ve accomplished more and I have done more things that are interesting to me and that contribute to my happiness. I’ve often been accused of being to simple but the simple life works for me.

    Reply

  13. kdaddy23
    Feb 11, 2014 @ 13:34:11

    Not particularly fond of the quote and probably because I understand something about relationships: There’s the person you want to be with… and then there’s the person you can be with. People look at this as ‘settling’ but it really isn’t – some people aren’t good at making choices, some people don’t know how to be in and manage a relationship, and since nothing lasts forever, if a relationship falters and dies, then it’s seen as a false relationship? If a person makes a bad choice in a partner or they’re really ill-equipped to manage a relationship the way it should be managed, if it falters and dies, then it’s seen as a false relationship?

    I don’t think so. So many people wind up being single for long periods of time as they sit and wait for Ms. or Mr. Right to come along and without understanding that the right person ain’t gonna just drop into their laps – you have to work to find that person and some folks either don’t want to do the work that’s required to create that great relationship or they don’t know how to do it.

    Being in a relationship isn’t about “What are you gonna do for me?” – it’s about what can we do together; it’s not one person’s idea of what a relationship’s form is to take – it’s a combined effort and one that takes the ideas of both people and merges them into a single, unified focus. And if this unified position cannot be created and maintained and everything goes to hell in a hurry, this isn’t a false relationship – it’s just a serious lack of the skills necessary to get this done.

    There’s what you want… and then there’s what you are capable of doing and, yes, at times, things aren’t going to work the way you expect them to. But instead of looking at their failures and learning from them so that they can have a better understanding of things, people take their failures the wrong way, creates an even bigger list of things they’re not gonna do because they got hurt or whatever the last time and I’ll be honest with you all: Being in a relationship ain’t for the weak-minded or faint of heart.

    You can be single and know how to love… but you need more than just love to have a lasting and successful relationship. Is being single being wiser? Ya might think it is but there are a lot of people who see being single as giving into their fears and doing absolutely nothing when they could be out there and doing the required work to establish and maintain a relationship and, yeah, part of this means that you’re gonna take your lumps because even in this, there are dues to pay.

    Bill Cosby, in one of his early routines, was talking about the fact that every time he got his wife pregnant, they had a girl and because they wanted a son, he said, “You just keep running that play until you get it right!” using a football analogy – the routine was pretty funny but there’s a message in the comedy: If you want something, you keep working to get it. So, duh, if you stop working, what do you think is gonna happen?

    There’s the person you want to be with – then there’s the person you can be with; it’s not settling to be with the person you can be with because with the right amount of work on both people’s part, they can develop into the person you want to be with so I’ll finish this with an ages-old adage: Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

    Reply

  14. sunnydelyte21
    Feb 12, 2014 @ 14:13:28

    “Being in a relationship isn’t about “What are you gonna do for me?” – it’s about what can we do together; it’s not one person’s idea of what a relationship’s form is to take – it’s a combined effort and one that takes the ideas of both people and merges them into a single, unified focus.” ~ Couldn’t be more right!!

    On the other note, I would taking it as settling. But hey we are grown enough to agree to disagree.

    As far as waiting for someone to fall into your lap…nah like you said you work. But sometimes it happens when you stop looking and get caught up with something (i.e work and stuff of that nature).

    Thanks for commenting!

    Reply

    • kdaddy23
      Feb 12, 2014 @ 15:00:19

      Settling is so negative, Sunny; if you think like this, aren’t you starting on the wrong foot? It’s not settling if you’re with the person you can be with because who knows if the person you want to be with even exists? And if they do, where are they? And if you are with the person you can be with, why not do all that’s possible to make the best of the situation?

      Without offense, this is a mindset that some women have that makes me insane because they’ll choose to remain single because of what they want… but not give much thought about what they can do. And, yeah, I know guys who are like this, sitting and waiting and complaining about not being able to find The One while passing up women who could turn out to be a better partner than the person that exists only in their mind.

      If you’re single and you aren’t having fun being single, what are you gonna do about it? What can you do? And if you choose to remain single, are you not settling for something way less than what you’d prefer? It’s not a matter of agreeing or disagreeing, Sunny; if anything, it’s about taking a closer look at what being in a relationship means and not limiting one’s self to a situation that may not present itself. I’m not saying that a woman doesn’t have the right to want what she wants but, again, if you’re not willing to do all of the work that’s necessary, well, that’s just being lazy and, again, this goes for all those men who keep wondering where all the good women are.

      And if a person is afraid of failing in a relationship and this is what keeps them single when they don’t want to be, um, why accept failure? Why settle for doing nothing when one can do something? For me, this is settling at its worst…

      Reply

  15. Trackback: Under Pressure (and no, not the awesome Queen song) | Single Support System

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