Status: In A Relationship But Single

My status right now is single…yet I find myself in a relationship. Why? I’ve been building a relationship with a certain fella friend of mines. We spend lots of time together, that is up until recently (I’ll get back to this). We always talking about what is going on between us, and I know he isn’t ready for a committed relationship. I always say jokingly that we are in fact in a relationship. Why? Because it’s true, if we are spending all this time together and not really going out on dates with other people…that equals a relationship, at least in my book.

I know what type of situation I’ve put myself in and I’m fine with that. I know what I want and I would very much like to be sure that I can mentally handle being in a committed relationship…I told you guys I have major trust issues. This relationship also works because he’s on the same path I’m on with not having sex. I enjoy his company and everything.

This relationship has taught me a few things, good and bad. But one thing that has never changed about me is I like consistency when it comes to the person I’m dating. The last 2 and half weeks have lacked consistency for various reasons. Now I try to be understanding because every relationship isn’t perfect. But what if it gets to be too much? Relationships got thru phases: Hot, Warm & Cold. That is in my own personal opinion. Right now I would say this relationship is going thru a warm phase. What once was happening has stopped or became sporadic.

I find myself waiting for him and he doesn’t show up. When I need or want him there he isn’t. There is always a reason, some don’t make sense to me…but in the same step I can’t really get mad..because I’m single and I choose to walk into this situation. I look at myself and I’m turning into someone else, and I’m not that girl. I refuse to be. I’m being pushed away,I mean thats what I feel. Am I wrong for thinking that? I mean I could see if I was putting pressure on that certain someone. But if that’s not it, then what?

But, I know what I need to do…

Comment, thoughts, explanations…etc welcomed

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19 Comments

  1. SLV

     /  May 31, 2011

    hmph. This sounds like my life right here! LOL. My guy was on my phone from sun up til sun down, all day everyday, we went out, we were sexing each other (and it was goooood too)…yet he said he is single. wow. Could have fooled me.

    You said “I know what I need to do”…well, THAT sister, is hard as hell. I am an emotional lover and it was hard to cut him cold turkey because I felt I had invested so much of me into the ‘relationship’.

    I don’t have any witty replies or such…just wanted to reach out to say I feel you girl…

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    • No witty replies needed… sometimes it is hard but when you know its not in your best interest you need to exit stage left.

      Are you guys in a relationship? committed? becuase if you in my situation…your in one but your single too…lol

      IDK to each its own.

      Thanks for commenting!

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  2. Reminds me of that song Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefanie…… you’re not officially his girlfriend, but he can call you anytime, and you come running…. that’s what the song is all about. It’s unfair. But u know what, look for another one, and make him your Hollaback Guy. What ‘s sauce for the goose is also sauce for the gander. That’s not even cheating coz you’re not in a relationship, anyway.

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    • True indeed…my thing is we aren’t having sex…so idk….I’m like a chess gaming mapping out my next move. LOL…thanks and that does sound like the song… “”oooo thats my shit thats my shit” :))

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  3. Boy that’s complicated….. As a man I can see why this “relationship” works for him and I can also can see why he considers himself “single”. You know him and you know yourself. You are a smart cookie. I think you have this one all figured out.

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  4. Carmen

     /  May 31, 2011

    Sounds like my life…hah. I wish I could offer some insight but since I haven’t figured it out myself, all I can say is you’re not alone!

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  5. Hey Sunny!
    A cab driver once told me never put your eggs in one basket. I nearly cussed him out when he told me this, but i stopped because silly me had answered his question, “Do you have a boyfriend?” I ended up telling him about a guy who had no intention of committing to me and that was his response…so I couldn’t really be mad.

    But I was mad, because I thought that if I were seeing and sleeping with one dude then I shouldn’t have any other “eggs” in my basket because THAT would make me a whore. I thought this was what he was implying, that I should become a whore LOL, a YEAR later I wish I could find him and thank him for his advice.

    I think it’s wonderful that you have gone on this journey where you want to remove sex from your relationships, but you have to realize that this doesn’t necessarily mean that all the men who come into your life are genuine.

    What to do now? Recognize that you are in the warm phase of this particular relationship and be open to meeting others. No harm in talking to other men who are interested in you…like you said, you are single right?

    If Mr.Lukewarm has an issue then Mr.Lukewarm can take a hike or step up his game. Add a little fuel to the fire and watch how quickly the temperature of your relationship and dating life changes ;)
    yep this has been another mini blog post …man i should be given a limit lol

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    • I love you mini blog post!!! :)

      I know I can go out and date other men..trust I thought but having in this basket and that basket I would considered a whore. But thats is just dating, I think it would be considered being a whore if you slept with all the guys your dating..and thats how you end up on Maury.

      Mr. Lukewarm has read this post and I just wonder what he is thinking, we talked for a little and he understands why I feel this way…

      idk gurl…but actions will change…its a new dawn a new day!! LOL

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  6. JSin

     /  June 1, 2011

    I definitely believe that status exists. There is usually a point in most relationships where both partners are only dating and talking to one another. Even though no official titles have been assigned or claimed, it’s pretty much a relationship. It’s almost like an undisclosed waiting period. Like when you go to the DMV and have to wait for them to mail you your new license. In this case, the individuals are just patiently waiting to agree upon or accept their official titles.

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  7. I would give some deeper insights but it seems many people already beat me to it… but yeah… never ‘assume’ you are in a relationship. Just that really. It’s better to know for sure whether good or bad, than to just be assuming because you two get along fine. It was a good read :-)

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  8. Mr.TramueL

     /  June 2, 2011

    The impractical wisdumb of Mr.TramueL reminded me of a story, I will be brief. I used to tell others & myself that I wasn’t ready for love or ready to be in a relationship, that it would be hard for a woman to accept my strong Virgo traits of being overly analytical, nitpicky and secretly feeling I handle things better than others.

    Be careful of self-fulfilling prophecies … they tend to come true. A few things stand out that you wrote; being mentally capable of handling a committed relationship & having trust issues. I may be way off base but when I recognized that what I was saying also played a part in how I acted (at least subconsciously) I may have sabotaged a few relationships because I assumed I knew how they would end.

    The point. You may be (subconsciously) pushing him away because you have found it hard to trust in the past or that you yourself may not be ready for a one on one relationship. Best advice I can give is to sort through what YOU really want, then take it to him. Let him know how you feel and what you want, if the two of you are not on the same page then you can make the best decision for YOU.

    ”It’s your world & that’s my peace.”

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    • I can dig that…but no I have opened up and I feel like I’m the only one and he is pulling away and no longer being around with me and he constantly gives me excuses. And franlky, I’m tired of those excuses.

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  9. I’ve been in that position. However I seem to find myself in a similar situation now but a tad more complicated lol.

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