Miss Independent

“She got a good job with benefits, she take care of her child(ren), got a nice crib and car. Damn shorty doing it big, so why is she single?”

We all heard that saying in one form or another, haven’t we? I was relaxing at a long day watching one of my favorite shows “Sex in The City”. It was the one where Charlotte was getting married for the first time, and she found out her husband had trouble getting it up. But that’s a blog story for another day. This episode also touch on Miranda’s issues with finding a suitable man. As soon as she mentioned she was a lawyer, the conversation ended.

She eventually ended up lying and saying she was a flight attendant to get a date. But it was apparent that some man have a problem with woman who are doing well without a man’s help.

It’s a double edge sword, because no man wants a gold digger, but she can’t make more money than you or be more successful than you. So you’re damned if you do, and damn if you don’t. Seems a bit unfair, don’t you think?

Some woman had to learn to take care of themselves at an early age. With that motivation to make it, they moved up in the world. So they bank account is in good standing and they can provide for their needs as well as their wants. But should they be single because of it?

When you’re a single mother, that motivation is heightened. You have a family to take care of so you make it happen. You strive to gain finical freedom and once you get you are proud. Why is it that some men can’t respect that and see that as a good thing and not a bad thing?

Share your thoughts.

20 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Ms. Nikks
    Sep 20, 2011 @ 13:14:45

    “Why is it that some men can’t respect that and see that as a good thing and not a bad thing?”

    I don’t think I would call them “men” if they feel intimidated by a woman’s success. I think it’s a childish frame of mind to be in and he’s entitled to the term “boy” if that’s how he feels.

    Women, regardless of having a child and being a single parent should be motivated at all times to achieve the highest level of success. I’ve seen too many domestic violence situations that stemmed from a woman not feeling as if she’s capable.

    Never dumb yourself down for anyone!



  2. jenndiva
    Sep 20, 2011 @ 13:21:40

    This is a great post and I love “Sex and the City” so I know the episode that you are talking about. Miranda did have to lie about her profession to get a date, but that was something her character was always dealing with. With many of the guys that she dated leading up to Steve they had a problem or concerns about her being a single and self-sufficient woman.

    I think that it really depends on the guy and his hangups. If this is going to be a problem for him then it will show, and that’s a red flag showing that you’re not meant to be together. I’ve had a guy say something similar to me on a date when I mentioned my aspirations. It kind of freaked him out and since he seemed to not have any plans then we didn’t work out.

    Awesome job with this!



    • sunnydelyte21
      Sep 21, 2011 @ 09:38:41

      Yes, she was always having that problem and that’s unacceptable.

      It really does depend on the guy. If a guy said something like that to me…thats a red flag. LOL




  3. kdaddy23
    Sep 20, 2011 @ 13:33:18

    It’s because, historically, bringing home the bacon was the man’s job to do and the woman’s was to take care of home; this is what we’re taught as young boys. All you have to do is watch “The Color Purple” and you can see this mentality. But that was then – this is now – and women have to be able to support themselves because to depend on some dude to do it is probably not a smart thing to do. Any man who can’t accept the fact that baby girl is handling her business and doesn’t need him to support her needs to grow up, open his eyes, and get with the fucking program because survival is more important than his misplaced ego.

    My ex and I started working at the same company, oh, about a month after each other, doing the same kind of work. When they hired her, they deliberately – and as a joke – paid her a dollar more than what I was getting paid and, yeah, we both thought it was funny that she now made more money than I did. I was telling one of my boys about it… and he went ballistic, told me I should have made her quit the job and even gone upside her head for not staying in “her place.”

    It’s ignorance, Sunny; it’s old school Color Purple thinking and it just doesn’t have a place today. Okay, maybe she’s bringing down more bacon than you; maybe you should be smarter, better educated and ambitious enough to balance the scales because the more money the two of you have together, the better your chances of survival are. Maybe you don’t like it but all you’re doing is showing how stupid and immature you are to even have the thought of not liking it.

    And then you have the nerve to call yourself a man? Not in my book, not now, not ever. It’s this fear men have; if she’s doing great – and doesn’t need him to support her – then he’s essentially useless to her and is now empowered to go on to better things and, yeah, even leave his ignorant ass for someone who doesn’t have any issues with this.



    • sunnydelyte21
      Sep 21, 2011 @ 09:40:51

      Thanks for speaking up for the men. Yes, we all growup thinking that way..but like you have said times have changed.

      LOL…those guys are assholes and basically in a Color Purple state of mind.

      Yes, they shouldn’t be called men at all.



  4. thedlife
    Sep 20, 2011 @ 20:29:05

    Even though I’m no big time executive I hear this ALL the time!

    “Oh you think you better cuz you a college girl.”
    “You got a a corporate job so you must think you don’t need a man.”

    I could go on and on with the lines I’ve heard…seriously. The thing is in neither of these situations did I ever try to make the man feel bad about what he did or did not have compared to me. I never said I don’t need a man or that I wouldn’t date a certain type of man if he didn’t have what I have. Boys (that’s what they are) who think like that are just insecure and people who are insecure and haven’t figured out how to get over that do what all insecure people do…they project. They try to make their insecurities your issue or “problem.” They want to make more money so if you make more…problem. They don’t want to live at home anymore, and you live on your own…problem. You being a woman and having the things they feel they lack just gives them the open door they need to try and make you feel bad. If you were a man making moves they would give you a pound and ask you for advice. Unfortunately it’s just the patriarchal world we women live in.

    However, not all males are that way. There are actual MEN out there that are proud to have a driven, self made woman on their arm and will do all they can to encourage her and help her reach her dreams whether she makes more or not. These men would never seek to have you downplay your achievements to soothe their fragile ego. Any so-called man that even attempts to make you feel otherwise and can’t respect that you worked hard to get wherever you are is not even worth the breath it would take to curse his dumb ass out.



  5. abichica
    Sep 21, 2011 @ 07:18:07

    Its because men are threatened by the idea that a woman is independent,working and making good money and wont need him to save her or solve all her problems for her. Men at times are more than very confused, they think that they will love having a girlfrind who is comfortable in her own skin, confident and successful, but when a situation like that comes up, the truth is they are scared of not being the dominant one in the relationship, the provider, the bread winner, and it makes them feel insecure especially if the woman makes more money than them..” Damn shorty doing it big, so why is she single”..she is single because she hasnt found the right man who can handle her success.. :-)



    • sunnydelyte21
      Sep 21, 2011 @ 09:45:10

      ”..she is single because she hasnt found the right man who can handle her ” Preach!!!

      Yes, I think some guys are confused and thats a problem in itself. I mean before you starting looking for a woman, know what ytou want. Point blank period!!



  6. Ha-Style
    Sep 21, 2011 @ 10:57:11

    It’s sad for women that reach that pinnacle in their career and some men can’t handle it. It’s their own insecurities that have been taught to us since birth that we take care of the women and they’re submissive to us. I don’t think it’s right honestly. I like a woman that can handle her own because if the day comes I need help I need to know that she’s got my back and she can help me get up. And not just financially, but thru her strength.



  7. Sweet Nectar
    Sep 27, 2011 @ 11:00:22

    It is a sad state of affairs when independence is something we have to apologize for possessing. I love being an independent woman and doing for myself. I love knowing I can do it for myself. I was taught early that all I have is me, myself, and I. Now it is all about me, myself, and her my baby girl. I have to lead by example. I want her to be an independent woman and be unapologetic about it.



  8. marriagecoach1
    Sep 28, 2011 @ 10:03:44

    I HATE this black on black color scheme. Men don’t have a problem with women making more money than them. What they have a problem with is women not respecting them because they don’t make as much money as them. Speaking from bitter experience.
    John Wilder



  9. John Wilder
    Sep 28, 2011 @ 13:18:28

    Well Sunny I have to disagree with you. In my experience, SOME women don’t have a problem with men making less but MOST DO and throw it in their faces and then when it comes to making decisions at home she bypasses him because according to her she is making all the money. I just am working with a couple right now who the wife is a physician’s assistant making $100k a year and her husband is in his own business ekeing out $30K a year and she has a huge problem with it. My own ex wife was a nurse, ( i put her through school) and she constantly attacked my masculinity because I could not make more
    than her and more than that she wanted to stay home and not work at all.





  10. TheBWNG
    Oct 12, 2011 @ 10:45:54

    Damn everyone came and killed the commenting game lol kdaddy23 summed that up well!



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